At the End of the Day

For the first time in months I had no reason to be out of the house last Saturday. While I slept most it off, I also used a considerable length of time poring over nooks and crannies of our small apartment where my books are. I long stopped listing down books I bought and I frankly cannot keep track of them. This is the kind of itch that will never go away.

I lifted cloth covers and found piles of them. I inspected brown paper bags and saw “I’m here so why not buy one” kind of purchases from different bookstores. The buying vs. reading ratio remains terrible and horrible. This is the kind of guilt that plagues me each time but cannot find the energy to do something about.

When I was a kid I used to imagine that life will be awesome if one minute of my life will be one full day, Earth time. I used to think of the many things I can do with my time, the skills I can master, the sleep I can get, the shows I can watch, the books I can read — without taking too much time in real life. Pardon me, I barely had playmates when I was growing up so I had plenty of time to think about how to have more time. I didn’t know then that this brilliant idea was foreshadowing a desire for when I get older.

The lure of social media and many forms of visual entertainment is very hard to resist. Very hard, not impossible. Plus we should also factor in interactions with people because apparently, real world existence necessitates so.

At the end of the day we can always choose where we spend time on. As a joke I made up how to divide my time in a week, sparing 30 hours for a potential partner. Jokes aside, as creatures capable of thinking and deliberately changing how we order our priorities, maybe I can find the push to read above everything else that requires my energy.

Ang haba ng drama ano, gusto ko lang naman sabihin, bigla ko namiss magbasa ng magbasa.

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