Chillax

The second half of the year is shaping up pretty well. It’s a validation of sorts that people stop me now to talk about the date and immediately after that comes tiny twitches of regret that I wrote about it and was it even worth it. And then I sleep and eat fries and meh, it’s okay, I guess.

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I often joke that whenever great things happen at work, each one takes away twice the potential in my romantic life. That’s absurd, of course, and God does not take one to give one — it’s possible to have both at the same time. Not all the time but…you get the drift.

That said, one possible training is in the offing again although nothing is set in stone yet. There’s a competitive nomination process, for one. If and when I’ll be lucky to get a spot, that scraps my Penang plans in November — unless there’s a possibility of squeezing it on a three-day weekend which I know isn’t possible. If not, then back to the almost-made Penang drawing board which my friend RG helped me with given that he went last year and took amazing photos.

Operational changes are also in full swing at work and even though I still struggle to get them all in my (literally) big head, it’s exciting to be a part of something like it. Operations management is not my strong suit; I’ve always been the correspondence and social media person, so getting out of this small comfort zone is exhilarating if you’re called in to participate at the right moment.

As much as I contemplate working on my romantic life again, I cannot put sufficient energy to do it yet. I’m still reeling, you know. My very concerned friends had a lot to say but they also know I ultimately do not listen to them anyway. I never did. Buhay ko naman ito, walang pakialamanan. LOL

It’s not that I felt bad because maybe I did, parang noong ilang beses ako nag-apply sa (insert agency) and was turned down thrice (pero nakamove on na ako doon, I swear, lalo na when I see they’re more physically tired than us, hahaha). But there’s more “ok lang” than the heavy feeling. Either I have matured or sadyang makapal lang talaga ang aking mukha.

I guess I’m just this big spark douser that when I opened my mouth and showed my personality, whatever tiny possibility there was was prematurely put off. Wala naman pinagkaiba yan, reversely, when there were guys before who’d show me affection and I was, eeehh, sorry, but I still like to be your friend! Yung isa nga doon ‘sis’ na ako kung tawagin ngayon, o di ba? Nagevolve na kami. 🙂

I am at that umay myself to pieces phase, taking everything I have related to it, and inuumay ko yung sarili ko by looking at it, thinking about it, for when it’s at its peak, the next morning, hopefully, the feelings will be gone. It has not happened yet. I’m not a fan of forcing myself to forget because they never work. Plasticada ng taon ang peg tapos at the end of the day, gusto pa rin naman pala. Gaga lang. So yes, just let it flow, ride the wave, until it subsides. After all, there are far too many things to do. Yung tinatawag na ADULTING ng mga bagets at hipster.

More importantly, there are more relevant things happening in the world, may it be here in the home front or overseas. The world just cannot catch a break. Humanity just cannot catch a break. We may not be in the position of power but as simple as praying for the world may help. And then educate ourselves and if possible, critically engage. If not up to it, it’s okay, too. Wala naman masama mag-chillax lang.

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