Unobliviousness used to be a trait I was very good at. I’m not talking about not caring in general because that will open up a can of unpretty (and a few delightful) worms. I’m referring to being unaware of what’s happening when I’m engrossed in something — reading, specifically. I think I shared this a few times already, that for some reason I like being lost in the midst of things. However, I noticed that I’m distracted too easily lately. I used to not hear nor notice anything when I’m reading but take my Thursday reading time for example: I was distracted by a group next to my table discussing (calmly, in-their-own-small-circle kind of way) osmolysis and ruptured cell membranes that I stopped reading and tinkered my tablet instead.
I’m thinking about it because it seems contrary to another feeling I started having in recent years which is sifting. I used to like grasping and learning everything. Looking back, I think it’s because of fear of being left behind. I evolved, gladly, away from it, and learned to filter what I only want and need. A certified TV junkie, a concrete example would be the shows I regularly follow — I now stick to 5 regulars even when the number of shows seemed to have doubled than five years ago. My regulars back in ’07-’09 added up to 18 TV shows a week; that’s a tremendous abuse of the Fair Use policy, don’t you think? Anyway, I slightly digress.
Maybe it’s simply telling me that caring and focusing are indeed two different things. I wish to regain my sense of obliviousness though. It feels a long time ago since I allowed myself to get inside the world of what I was reading. I don’t want to believe it’s because I have a lot in my mind lately. If you must know, there’s a zillion stuff going on in my head even before, back when I still can auto-shut off the world and be inside a new one. Is it the same as indifference? Maybe, maybe not. But then, even for a short time, both of them can be healthy for everyone.