This year, I will go on dates again. I’m single and when I say it’s not for lack of trying!, it’s kind of a lie. I didn’t really try because I was so fixated with whoever was my love of the…season. That could be endearing in the long run; you know, the whole loyalty crap, but since the past five experiences since my last relationship have been one-way (ultimately, kasi yung iba kahit naman very tiny, umusad), time to change strategies. Kumilos-kilos daw. Probably venture out of the [stinky] stretch of Manila Bay, for heaven’s sake.
Apparently, I have this bar that men need to clear, or a set of standards that makes it hard for my friends to find guys to set me up with. Two male friends told me that just recently. As in I saw in their faces this look of wonder thinking who else may be good enough to go out with me. Flattering, yes, but it made me want to scream, No! I’m practically the easiest, kaladkarin single lady around! I’m nice and very tolerant! I’m not even that smart.* I honestly do not believe the “You’re intimidating” bit. It’s a load of BS. He’s just not into me, that’s all. Helloooo.
I believe I am pretty much open to anything. That’s from my point of view ha. I mean, you know me, I don’t get developed. One day, I will look at you and feel that tingling feeling in my gut, then bam — yun na, crush na kita. Flaws and all. Kahit di mo ako gusto. One emotional day four years ago, I told someone maybe I go for men I cannot have or will never like me back because subconsciously, I never want anyone anyway. For one, if you’ve been reading me the past nine years, you can see I really love myself too much. It’s not bad but kind of a potential romance-killer, methinks. But of course, I don’t want to believe that.
Anyway, I’m going to play it cool from now on. In hindsight, maybe I do have a mental criteria but I’m still not buying it. Contrary to rumors, you don’t have to love reading for me to like you. As my friend said, he doesn’t have to love reading, his antenna doesn’t have to pick up all the channels (shucks, I’m so mean, right?) — for sure he will have other endearing qualities that will trample items in my “you-should-be” list — if ever I have one. If he’s one or both things, bonus na lang yun.
Plus, as I said, when I feel something for someone, it’s instantaneous. I don’t have time to tick items off my checklist! Identify the men I liked in the past seven years and tell me if there’s a pattern. Well, I want to say damaged, cranky, unpopular, obsessive-compulsive, needs saving — but that will be very judgmental. So let’s stick with there is no pattern. Hahaha.
Wait, akala mo naman ang ganda ganda ko di ba?
At any rate, I’m not looking for a relationship if the timing is not right. Let’s not force it. I’m just saying I will expand my network by going out more. Who knows, a future date may not be it but someone he knows. No big expectations. At sabi nga, don’t feel bad if the one you like doesn’t feel the same way because there are guys who like you but you don’t like them back. It’s an even playing field. Been there, done that.
Also, I can develop my professional network that way. Lahat naman may pinatutunguhan, and it could be better than the one I am hoping for (New job? Let’s save that for another post. Hahaha).
To sum up this post, it’s time to have more fun. Let me know if you want to join me. 🙂
*When I think I am simply trying to hold a conversation with someone I like, sometimes it comes as if I’m trying to compete in a “I also know that!” kind of way. Sometimes daw, I have to just nod and go with it, and maybe even pretend it’s brand new information even if it’s not. So you’re saying I have to appear clueless sometimes? Dumb it down and just flash him? Well, I can do that! It seemed to work for others. Oh well, ladies and gents, let’s discuss. 😉