Zero to Nothing

I learned how to have very low expectations of everything and everyone.  I guess it’s working well.  It’s a better-working buffer.

Anyway, my very latest attempt to step out of my comfort zone is still in the air.  I applied for a job within my organization, and unlike before, I am keeping my expectations to a minimum.  I do not want to be too confident even though sometimes I feel I have the right to feel that way.  Some say it is an anti-thesis of wanting something so bad, you have to claim it.  I subscribe to that on some level but really, my most prominent philosophy is if it’s yours, it’s yours, and everything will fall into place.

Next month I will mark my first decade in this job.  My very first.  I can say that everything I know about management (and other sh*t) I learned here, because really, I have not been elsewhere.  I was once advised to try applying for jobs every two years to test my market value.  So far, I’ve done it twice this year, and I wasn’t fit for either.  It’s a little disappointing but I’m okay.  Well, I’m not like someone I know who agency-hops and has a 100% success rate with every job application.  (Lucky bastard, you. LOL. I love you!)

It will be hypocritical to say it’s entirely okay if I don’t get the job.  Of course, I will feel bad.  It’s something close to my heart.  Books and libraries are two key characters of the job so what’s not to want, right?  But anyway, if and when I get short-listed, I will do my best and let’s take it from there.  Frankly, when I pray to God, not just for this, but for all other things I want, I always tell HIM to will what’s best for me.  They say you have to be specific in asking HIM for what you want, but really, God’s “specific” plan for me will always be way way better.  Smile if you agree! 😉

My deputy confessed, after much hesitation, that she prayed for me, but in a way that “bargains” with God not to let me get the job if I’m not a real fit.  I laughed.  Well, her reason was personal— because she doesn’t want me to leave.  I told her not to worry because, as I said, zero to nothing expectation, right?  Let’s not get our hopes too high.

At any rate, here’s to waiting if I will be in a new job in 2013.  If not, I can always find other things to do…and other job vacancies to ram myself in. 😉

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