In passing

Something funny happened to me recently.  It was funny and frankly, it’s the only general feeling I had about it.

Someone told me he wants to rebuild his friendship with me.  It was greatly appreciated.  Time really heals and it does good to people.  Anyway, as he went on making himself  felt again via numerous invites, e-mails, and other normal friend stuff we used to do, I realized he wants to do it but he’s carrying conditions with him.  I don’t take it against him because he changed, for the better, and I think he has something to protect now (he still won’t tell me and I don’t think he will, only because I don’t have anything to do with it).

I just found it ridiculous that he set up all these supposed conditions on being friends again in guise of his concern for me and my image while it reeks, as elementary psychology might suggest, of his huge concern for his own image and for other people or things he’s with now.

I didn’t tell him that.  Or I might have, I don’t know, I forgot.  I don’t remember telling him, “Hep hep, don’t make this about me because it’s obviously about you.”   He’s not going to admit it anyway.  But from an objective point of view, it’s very clear.   He said he feels there’s nothing to move on from and continued to ask, maybe that’s what’s wrong about this whole thing.  I told him he’s right.  He’s not compelled to move on from anything  and that’s what he exactly did – two years later and he still feels careful to tread that path as if it’s still, what, 2008? That’s what it seemed to me.  That’s why it’s funny. At least to me.  It’s almost 2011, for God’s sake.

I perfectly understand everything.  He came back and figuratively presented a simple blueprint which indicates where he wants people in his life to be.  Some people can intersect, co-exist, but some cannot.  I told him he’s happy so let’s not rock that boat again.  But you see, when a friend wants to be back, I want all of him back. Sure, things will never be exactly the same, but I’m not going to adjust and be cautious  just to have that friendship again.  It won’t feel natural.  I missed him and our banters and all pathetic things we talk about which is why for now, I’m happy he made all these moves and he’s trying to reconnect.  I will leave it at that.   We both have a lifetime to be friends again and again anyway.

One thought on “In passing

  1. Pingback: Reverb10: Healing « muddling through

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