closet bully

verbal-abuseI know I am a bully. Sometimes.

I do it well because I have my very mean streak especially when I want something. I confessed this to a group who has known me for a long time and even if they all disagreed, it didn’t make me feel better. I just know I have my ways of bullying someone even if there’s no physical contact involved. I can bully someone without even meeting that person. It’s just that when I extremely hate, I do it well.

I feel guilty after a while. Like now. Because not only most things I said and thought of were unfounded, it’s actually unfair to the person. How do I say sorry and let it go when my ‘victim’ doesn’t even know what I did? And yes, I know I did something.  

I just feel A BIT guilty because there’s someone who, because of my intense bully fever last year, is now “branded” and “identified” as *insert qualities I molded the person to be as part of my indirect bullying*. I do not even see this person at all but other people do, so sometimes, I feel bad when they call the person not by whatever the name is, but by the “brand” I so proudly labeled the person to be. I am not sure if what I said were true. They may not be true. What do I know?

So the evil on my other ear is whispering that I can simply hope everything I said about the person is true. My guilt could gracefully disappear that way. Or I can stand by it and insist that it’s true until the person becomes the laughing stock of everyone because I will feel very very very good that way.

Oh good God. PMS!!! Sorry, sorry. I just found the person’s face very irritating. Hah. I hope this person continues to be dumb as [IT] looks (tama na, Judith, tama na!!!), or just take the high road and dismiss me because I’m really a useless and good-for-nothing person when I’m PMSing. Sa ibang pagkakataon, mabuti naman akong tao talaga. =(

6 thoughts on “closet bully

  1. ^may binabagayan ang SLUT na parang compliment. parang bitch. 🙂

    ikaw naman eh, nagmo-mourn ka lang sa closure ng virgin, kung saan saan ka na nagcocomment sa blog ko. sino naman yung in solitude?

  2. ^ raft3r, o di ba, makulay? PMS yan. hay. sobrang extreme ang kalukringan ko.

    yeah i read nga sa earlier comment sa’yo yung tungkol sa virgin. so wala ka ng matatambayan habang nagbo-broadway ako, kaya sasama ka na sa akin sa loob. nyehehehe…

  3. kanina pa ako naghahanap ng bago matatapos
    and now this
    hmmm….

    btw, magsasara na yun virgin megastore sa times square
    =(
    di na natin sya maaabutan sa november

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