“I’m telling you right off the bat I’m high maintenance.”

After four years of hearing people rave about it, I just finished watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  They were right, it was awesome.

eternal-sunshine-of-the-spotless-mindI say this now not only because I am so into erasing memories lately.  For a romantic movie, it is unorthodox and unconventional (well, because Michel Gondry is — remember The Science of Sleep?) but it bodes well with all human beings’ complex emotions. In the end, it tells you that some memories are worth thrown away but most stuff, even if they’re not at par with your expectations, even if they hurt you, even if they made you miserable, are totally not worth eliminating from your mind. There’s something about love that makes you look past everything that is not desirable to you.  Sappy, I know. But it’s true, right?

What I realized after watching is that I spend too much time fussing over many things I know I am not and I don’t have because insecurity is such a beautiful hobby envelopes me. I always feel that I fall short of someone’s expectations.  In the movie, I’d be one of those perfect clients for treatment in Lacuna clinic – a place where you can ask for certain parts of your memory erased.  Taking away what others said that I’m caring, funny, loyal, among other positive traits, I am of admission that I am also whiny, sensitive, mean (a little, hehe), vindictive , etc. (feel free to supply more). However, I will find someone who will be okay with all of it and accept me wholly. Speaking in a non-romantic sense, I got friends who stuck with me and by me despite all of those things.  I guess the sloppy romantic part of it will come in time. It’s not all felt at the same time so if you try poking and don’t get poked back (for some reason I found the term funny and off; I really suck at metaphors), move on until you find someone who feels it and is at the same page as you (I know, I’ve been saying it since August and have terribly failed, so it’s up to you if you will believe me on this!). 

Anyway, going back to the movie, the long title was actually taken from the tragic poem Eloisa to Abelard by Alexander Pope.  Here’s an excerpt:

How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d.

Forgetting may seem to be the best option sometimes but when you condition yourself that everything passes, you will do fine.

So by that, I am not going to forget (I can hear yummy friend getting frustrated once more, after all his efforts, since the beginning, to make me stop. In fairness to him, he has been a good friend to everyone, I just did not listen to all of his pleas to stop my insanity) but, BUT, I am going to stop counting how many days ago’s the last time (let’s just leave the what part unknown). It’s been nineteen days and this is the last time I’m going to wait, even if I tried asking a few times. No one asked me to wait in the first place. More importantly, it’s also a form of someone’s control over me and it’s not right.  The only one who should control and manipulate me is myself. I think it will work better for me this way. I know, I’ve said and hinted it too many times but I also know how to take a kind of straight hint at some point, too. Things are really not the same now, you know. Tsk.  

For now, I encourage you to watch Eternal Sunshine…and tell me how you find it. Happy weekend, fellow psychos. =)

6 thoughts on ““I’m telling you right off the bat I’m high maintenance.”

  1. @ iryn – thanks, thanks! hay nako ewan ko ba, punyetang relapse ko kasi yan. buti sana kung worthy cause ito eh hindi naman, walang kuwenta overall. i cant and dont understand myself, loony me.

    @ dong, panoorin mo. i recommend it. tas isunod mo yung the science of sleep =)let me know ano tingin mo ha.

  2. I’ve watched that movie before, in the end, he still wants to keep the good parts pala or that’s what I want to remember. Judie, I’ll be there with you on this journey of forgetting and surviving. Love u dear friend.

  3. ^ oo nga eh, yesterday ko lang napanood, matagal na sa imbakan namin. anyway, if only im as free-spirited as clementine, magpapakulay din ako ng tangerine sa buhok ko eh. parang yung si ms. alma sa VA, hahaha!!!

    paborito ko na ulit na name ang clementine sa baby ko. naaliw tlaga ako sa movie. =)

    p.s. peram ng breaking dawn ha. at manonood na tau ng twilight this week, dont forget.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s