i want to talk to you but

With remnants of my Kaitlyn fascination, I ended my day with a visit to a 6-year old girl’s wake.  I cannot explain the feeling while I was there.  I am not weirded out by funeral chapels, by the way, most especially after what we had with my Dad. Maybe because it’s of a child.  But the atmosphere there was very light; there were colored papers shaped like flowers pasted on the walls, a section of the room was made into an art corner, and the door itself has a store sign tacked to it.  It felt and looked like a playschool classroom actually.

My mother and other office friends who have small children were hesitant to look at Mimu, the little girl.  I wondered if it’s really that hard.

I told him last night that I got a bit scared because losing your child is not part of the natural progression of the life we knew.  I wanted to talk to him more about it but I cannot begin so without making him feel or think I have this idea of our future child while on the subject — I actually do not but it does occur sometimes. Actually, I want to talk about life and death in general.  Why him? Well, it’s because I can talk to him about anything. I already accepted that he won’t remember most of our discussions but I still would like to hear what he has to say.  I can find other people who are worthy to talk to but I still want it to be him.

Maybe it’s because he has always advised me of indifference.  Maybe I would like to know if it really is helpful in situations such as this, or simply grieving in general.  I wanted to ask him, hypothetically, what if it’s your child, what would you feel? For my part, I honestly can’t begin to tap the feeling. It’s like being in a limbo. Maybe that’s how much it hurts…and knowing me, I avoid it as much as I can but I do it in a very lousy way that I end up more hurt in the long run.  Anyway…

===

May your gentle soul be blessed by God; we know that you are already there with Him, playing with the angels.  Rest in eternal peace, Mimu.

+ Leanne Mychaela Y. Reyes (December 8, 2001-October 6, 2008) +

 

5 thoughts on “i want to talk to you but

  1. Pingback: free flowing friday « ♣ judiefication ♣

  2. lai!!! tragic case of brain stem cancer. it happened too fast nga eh. pero she was never in any pain daw. they all believe yun na yung miracle na nabigay sa family. she went very peacefully daw.

    anyway, i watched the pilot of pushing daisies pa lang. andun yung principal sa boston public di ba? hehe =)

    miss you. btw, iryn and i might hang out next weekend. hingahan lang ng angsts. bwahaha =)

  3. oh how sad… she’s so young… what happened?? juz curious about what took this little girl’s life.

    i just watched the new epi of pushing daisies last night. i think im in love with the pie maker. he’s so cute!

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