i wanted water but i’ll walk through the fire

My staff were talking about 2009. I realized I would be turning 27 in January.  I cannot believe I will be three years short of 30. That’s so far out there in my life canvas.

Someone said it is not true that I just floated through the years as I thought I did. Sometimes, I believe it, most times I ponder otherwise.  Another person also said that quarterlife crisis is not true; if that is so, I don’t know where to attribute this crises in identity, goals and disposition to.

At best, I hope when I’m in my mid-thirties, instability, indecision and confusion wouldn’t be as prominent in my psyche. People my age, who are lawyers, doctors of varied specializations, engineers, priests, nuns and foreign service officers, who have found what they want to do in life, well, you’re lucky because something definite in that aspect of your lives has been concretely defined.  You have to give it to us, those who still cannot figure out what we’re really here for, and our struggle for self-definition.

That being said, I am a late bloomer when it comes to John Mayer’s music but when I heard Vultures for the first time, I knew it contained what I have been trying to say to the world.


This is not the orginial music video but John and his band’s take on the song and their music in general as part of their Live From Abbey Road appearance.

Lyrics? Here:

Some of us, We’re hardly ever here
The rest of us, we’re born to disappear
How do I stop myself from
Being just a number
How will I hold my head
To keep from going under

♥ Down to the wire
I wanted water but
But I’ll walk through the fire
If this is what it takes
To take me even higher
Then I’ll come through
Like I do
When the world keeps
Testing me, testing me,testing me

How did they find me here
What do they want from me
All of these vultures hiding
Right outside my door
I hear them whisperin
They’re tryin to ride it out
Cause they’ve never gone this long
Without a kill before

Wheels up
I got to leave this evening
Can’t seem to shake these vultures
Off of my trail
Power is made, by power being taken
So I keep on running
To protect my situation

Oooooooooooo
Oooooooooooo
Oooooooooooo
Oooooooooooo
Whatcha gonna do about it
Whatcha gonna do about it

I am still in search of an advocacy. They said I should pursue advocacies related to my interests. I already have a book club that, among regular book club activities, sends deserving students to UP. Shall I find a literacy enhancement program? Shall I join a singles group? Shall I volunteer to be a TV show go-to woman (as in “All You Need To Know About *insert TV show*, come to me”)? I’m thinking, I’m thinking. 

6 thoughts on “i wanted water but i’ll walk through the fire

  1. Pingback: O hai there, John Mayer! « muddling through

  2. hello raft3r! nice to webmeet you! i hope you guys are not here in June?? I’m going to Jamaica for a wedding. Otherwise, let’s def do Vegas!

    Janet’s concert? That’s here in Oakland, right by ME! hehehe…

  3. @ lai – yeah, you’re right. my relationship with God is very personal but sometimes it’s too personal to the point that i forget to reach out and let Him steer my life. love u much too!

    anyway…yup let’s go to vegas (ang bilis ng shift ah, sin city agad, hehe)!!!

    by the way…lai, my good friend raf3r, raft3r, my niece, lai. say hi to each other.

    i will be travelling with raft3r next year so vegas actually sounds very promising. tara tara tara!

    @ raft3r – see above. btw, how many hours to go till janet’s concert???? i bet you’re very excited, you have a hard time concentrating, bwahahaha!!!

  4. Word of advice? Build a personal relationship with the Lord. Then you’ll find life’s true purpose. Then maybe you won’t be so conflicted. The quarterlife crisis will come to an abrupt end. Just think, “Jesus Christ is my savior” and mean it.. believe it in your heart… you will feel better, I promise you that…

    That’s my other secret in being confident. I trust that everything that I do is not for me, it’s for the Lord.

    Just thought I’d share…. Love u much!!

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