my inner superwoman desire

I peaked too early.

I am very grateful for everything though. I know it’s false humility to say that it’s pure luck.  It wasn’t, and only because I know I am good and I deserved all of them. I am less than what others probably expect me to be but still, I know I deliver the goods asked of me. I have played my cards well. I have worked not necessarily hard, but smart (remember, hardwork alone will not get you promoted; it’s a convolution of many other traits that would make them notice you).  Nevertheless, I am thankful. Hugh Laurie once said he’s thankful not for his wonderful job but for the opportunity to do that wonderful job.  I say the same, too.

However, when people leave, move around or simply shake themselves off to remove the scabs of routine and stagnation, I could not help but re-think of where I am now. Almost six years of sitting comfortably, riding on the confidence of people I’ve worked with. It’s not bad at all but I sometimes feel hollow. Underchallenged? Probably. Or I could just be looking at it from a different vantage point. It’s human nature to always want and think that the grass is greener somewhere.

I was thrusted to this barely three months after I was hired, which was a week after my 21st birthday. Through the years, I have been consistently deserving of my place but I really cannot say with conviction that I did outstanding things. My string of luck has been on a roll that sometimes, I fear that it will ask for a payback one of these days. It hasn’t yet and existentially speaking, it would not. Everything I am now is only because of the decisions I made in my life. Well, that’s one little side of my brain talking.

SEPT. 9 — AH. I MESSED UP THE REST OF THIS ENTRY AFTER EXPERIMENTING WITH THE CUT FUNCTION. I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE LJ’S. NO NEED TO HIGHLIGHT PALA BEFORE CLICKING THE BUTTON. AYAN KARMA CHAMELEON, NAWALA LAHAT. ANG DRAMA KO PA NAMAN DOON. DOOKIE.

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