My mother and I are living different lives now, even if we’re together. For example, I noticed that we still go to malls together but we always separate at some point. She would just meet me at a coffeshop because that’s where I’d be anyway, nowhere else, while she quenches her new obsession with kitchen wares.
I also feel odd sometimes that she doesn’t look for me anymore. I know I am so way beyond curfews but when something that you’ve been used to, even if you hate it terribly, gets taken away, you still look for it pala. Sure, she would still text me , “San ka na?” or “Anong oras ka uuwi?” but after I reply, nothing follows. There are nights when I will deliberately roam the mall alone because of free AC (hahaha) and I’d reach past closing time so I’ll stay in restaurants that remain open until midnight. I will always check my phone if she has called me or has messaged me with her stern go home or else messages but sometimes I feel bad that there’s nothing.
Mahal pa kaya ako ng nanay ko? Hahaha!
Of course, I totally appreciate it now. We have long established that she trusts me, she doesn’t just trust my enviroment in general. Maybe now that she has diversions (she went back to school six months ago), she knows that everything happens for a reason and no amount of protectiveness can prevent whatever thoughts she has about what could happen to me. Besides, she must have gotten tired of looking for loopholes in my boring life so siya mismo gave up on protecting me dahil sa pagka-plain ng buhay ko.
Would you believe, she even had a hand in buying the vodka bottle I gave my friend last month. If you know my mother, it’s a shocking development. She only warned me that too much drinking, like doing it everyday, would potentially harm my liver. Ang general na pangaral! Nakakaloka!
Sometimes, I see that she’s convinced I’ve been having sex. Like she would shoot down my prude reactions to sex to mean, Wag ka ngang plastic, anak, only unsaid. She constantly bugs me to start a family too para daw habang kaya pa nya, maalagaan nya ang mga apo nya. *eyeballs bulging*
When I don’t react, she would retreat by saying that probably I cannot handle it yet because I am still a baby myself. Then she would proceed to enumerate my domestic incapacities and social skills, particularly my tendency to shut ALL people out when I feel like it. In truth, they’re so dead-on…the domestic incapacities and shutting people out. Annulment ang ending ko nito if ever I get married. Not necessarily battery kasi hindi ako papayag sa physical battery ha, please lang, nananakit din ako ng tao, as in broken extremities and all, once na you lay your hand on me, hahaha! Violent!
My ideal setup when I start my own family is to have my mother live a few blocks away from me. I hope my future husband will understand. See, it’s even my mother who told me that no matter how dingy or small a place is, ang mag-asawa should naturally have a place of their own. So it means she would never allow me living under her roof when I get married. I’m totally for it but a part of me wants that she would still be a ride away from me. It’s part I will be her daughter forever, part I will take care of her because she only has me. Okay din naman if my future husband will want the same for his family. Eh di we will live in the middle, para win-win. Ah, but again, never in either in-law’s home. Mahirap yan. Oh well, matagal pa naman mangyayari yan.
Anyway, I am happy that my mother has learned to let go. Minsan lang, I would like to tell her to not let me go completely. 😦