It’s the first day of the year and I’m already battling my demons as old habits refuse to die without a fight.
I guess I shouldn’t be making planner entries anymore because I am bound to neglect them anyway. It adds to the pressure, ultimately enabling me to accomplish nothing.
Simply put, ang hirap kumuha ng buwelo to be diligent and enthusiastic, to think tomorrow balik na naman sa trabaho and balik na din sa pag-aaral so as not to appear too stupid in next week’s resumption of classes.
I woke up at 12 in the afternoon today because I slept at 4 in the morning gushing at a short film and crazy weblinks on existentialism. I ate lunch in front of the TV and only wrenched myself up to pee at 5 in the afternoon after returning the texts of people who messaged me last night and reading four, repeat, four pages of an academic book.
I know I should be enjoying the last day of vacation, ironically on the first day of the year, but I couldn’t – because long before, I imposed that something must be done on this day. Ang ending, as is the case in most of my plans, I finished virtually nothing. Dapat mabago ang trend na ito. Hindi ito makatarungan sa mindless cheers ko that 2008 will be a wonderful year.
What kept me from accomplishing more, you may ask. Well, there was a succession of House episodes on AXN, and there’s the very first episode of Ally McBeal on ETC. The last one was particularly hard to refuse to watch because it brought me back to my college days, when I only watch Ally McBeal on TV, and I was able to fill a notebook of her quotes. Before Meredith Grey’s take on life via voiceovers, there was Ally McBeal.
Anyway, ETC, 2nd Avenue and Crime/Suspense are on free TV now, and the new channels have yet to appeal to me. Parang second-rate shows ang nandoon especially with FoxCrime. I am only waiting for Dexter to air there. Velvet, which supposedly replaced ETC, carries shows that are not that popular but can be given a try. The known ones air the first seasons, and for the first time in my life, I was able to watch an episode of Charmed though I know it was a really old one because Shannen Doherty was still there. I also see Beautiful People and The Best Years, and Dirt is something to look forward to anyway.
See, when it comes to TV shows I can go on and on without so much effort. I long to have the luxury of doing nothing but watch TV and read but the rational side of me of course prevents it. Ayun. Yun ang struggle doon. Ang aga namang dilemma nito, kakaumpisa pa lang ng taon. No, hindi ako nakaka-experience ng burnout. Or so I think. Whatever. Baka autistic lang ako, no offense to the other mentally-challenged.
2008 will be a good year and if I will be a victim of my own choices, then I would gladly welcome it. Sabi ni Ally McBeal yan.