passing through…

When I say I will be coming to an event, I always try to honor my word, especially if it’s a formal gathering. I just don’t want me being accused of going because of a reason that was so like a century ago. At ayoko sa lahat yung ipipilit na pupunta ako dahil lang sa lalaki, at sa lalaki lang alone. Kung yung chances to bump into a guy would be incidental to the gathering, then to that, I can go. Na-chea-cheapan ako talaga.

What’s worse is that we are friends and she should know me better than that. I know the perpetual defense would be the stress of preparing for a big wedding pero wag ganun. And kung may sentiments ka, magsabi ka. Ang labo. Dati naman diretsong nakakapagsabi. At parang gusto pang ipagmalaki na hindi kami nag-uusap. Eh ako nga, hindi na naghahanap na mag-update sila dahil alam kong kulang ang 24 hours sa mga dapat nilang iprepare. And I guess tama ako ha, pero hindi ba sa pag may gusto kang isama sa wedding entourage mo, kesehodang magkaibigan kayo, still, ikaw ang humihingi ng pabor sa taong yun para maging part ng entourage mo. If you feel that someone would only be there for a different purpose rather than be a part of your wedding, karapatan mo yun na tanggalin sya sa list. And ang pinaka-importanteng part doon ay ang pagsasabi ng diretso sa tao. Lalo na with me, madali akong kausap. At hindi umiikot ang mundo ko sa wedding lang na yan. I even have another event to go to after that one, for God’s sake.

I feel annoyed na parang yung hirap ko na manimbang between them and my mother will not be appreciated. Ang dami na ring tao ang nagsabing hindi na ako dapat pumunta sa event na yan and yet, nanindigan ako because I want to be a part of it.  Sana man lang nag-iisip pa rin sila that the reason that I still said yes to being part of their entoruage is because I want to be part of their momentous day, at hindi lang dahil lang mas matimbang yung isang lalaking, sabi ko nga, ang tagal ng issue. Fuck talaga, nachea-cheapan ako. Ayoko sa lahat yung ina-associate ako SOLELY sa lalaki. Yuck.

I am inclined to think that there is a deeper reason kung bakit nagsisintimyento de patatas sila, sabi nga ni titch. Dahil napaka-walang bagay nung ikina-asar nya, na hindi nya masabi sa akin (at alangang ako pa lumapit, is it me na may saloobing masama??), I am thinking na may mas malalim pang dahilan, na ito lang yung pinaka-convenient excuse. Very reminiscent of what they did to my mother. Hanggang ngayon to tell you the truth, my mom feels bad na sasabihin lang na hindi na sya kasama sa pictorial nung isang taon, parang pinalabas pa syang masama. At ni-ha, ni-ho, wala nang paliwanag. Minsan ang maturity tlaga, hindi nakukuha sa edad ng tao.

If I don’t hear anything until Wednesday afternoon about the sentiment, I will tell them that I am not going to their supposed happy event. Ayoko sa lahat yung pupunta ako doon tapos yung mismong celebrants may saloobin pa lang ganun, na hindi na lang nila mabawi dahil nandun na, mayron na akong damit at nakasulat na ang name ko sa invite. That’s downright stupid.

4 thoughts on “passing through…

  1. Heidy,

    yes, I know. but i’m so over it now and i can see that the other party has very much moved on happily too.

    how did you find this entry? quite a late reaction but thanks for dropping by anyway. happy weekend.

  2. Yup I’m looking forward to this but it appears pinag-iisipan ako ng iba, just because someone overheard a friend and I joking about it. At sa akin lang nagtampo, hindi pati dun sa kabiruan ko eh pareho lang kami ng sinabi. Ang labo tlaga.

    Well, I’m still waiting for them to talk to me about it.

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