silver lining

So where is the passion when you need it the most…you kick up the leaves and the magic is lost…

I still want to whack my head with a baseball bat after every recitation in class. It’s something I rarely do (recite) and I still screw it, everytime. I hope it will get better in the coming semester(s) because the best consolation I can get now is the fact that I’m “re-learning” most of the stuff being discussed in class. It’s hard to be a pretentious thinker in current affairs when the best that I can discuss is the life of Jennifer Aniston or the latest season of Prison Break.

In short, parang bangenge na naman ako last night sa class. Okay naman, and halos lahat kami si Ma’am ang nagtapos nung respective points namin kasi we somehow didn’t hit the nail as she wanted it. Pero ewan, gusto ko na minsan sabihin sa sarili ko na parang mali ata itong napuntahan ko, baka naman puwedeng tigilan ko na after ng sem na ito.

Kaya lang, after that moment of desperation, I always welcome the happy fact that there’s a new set of people I deal with, and we discuss things na pang-totoong buhay. And it’s not the type that I have to be pretentious at all. Pag di ko alam, pwede ako magtanong ng ano ba yang pinag-uusapan nila, though that rarely happens. It’s nice to feel that beyond what I do from 7-4, may mga taong nakakashare-an mo ng experiences, and you learn a lot from them, too. Yung nakaka-share mo ng mga pathetic na pangarap na if you come to think of it, feasible naman (“Magtayo tayo ng PCPE– Philippine Center for Policy Evaluation!” o di kaya “Sabihin mo sa local government nyo, tayo na lang ang gagawa nun (market analysis), sa atin na lang ibayad yung *insert ang maka-luwang matang amount for a two-week summit*”).

Most of all, masaya ang mga experiences na yan habang pinagkasya nyo ang mga sarili nyo sa isang karag-karag na Ikot jeep habang kalakasan ng ulan. The sounds of laughter still echo in my ears. Hindi man ako super na lumelevel, I feel that I am welcome. And for sure hindi naman ako kabobohan. Mukhang ako lang nag-iisip nun.

Anyway, birthday treat ni Mama Mary sa aming lahat sa IS 261 class ang pag-extend ng submission ng term paper (na tipong noon pa inapprove yung topic mo pero last week ka lang nagkanda-kumahog para gawin). Though hindi magandang nagkasakit si Sir, pero at best, naextend pa ng isang linggo ang pagca-cram namin. Ako naman halfway done na. Yun nga lang, like I’ve been saying, wag na muna natin i-discuss yung quality. Plus, I rarely, if never, go back and glorify any of my written projects. Parang lalo lang ako nagugulo whether I did the right thing pag binabalikan ko pa. I would never be satisfied, so wag na lang tignan at hintayin na lang ang verdict pag binalik ng prof, anyway, they will have the last say on it, no matter how much you think that it’s a masterpiece.

With regard to my PolSci class, kumusta naman na lutang na lutang ako sa kung anong topic ko sa seminar paper? It’s harder when the prof tells you that the paper could be about anything, as long as you can reconcile it with the policy process. In less than a month, I hope I can pull off a 25-page, at a minimum, term paper, with primary and secondary sources of information, and more importantly, something coherent, concise, and related with the dynamics of the policy process. Then on the same class, may exam pa next week. Rumors have it that napakahirap daw mag-exam ni Dr. R kahit super bait nyang guro.

Anyway, I’m off to completely finish my IS 261 paper. It’s about the issue of expansion of global communication networks that enabled news and other information to have broader reach, but the concentration of media firm ownership is limited to very few players, thus affecting the information’s quality and content.

On top of my mind, I’m exploring the possibility of making my PolSci paper about the competition policy in the Philippines.

At this point, my short-term goals are to finish the papers and pass the final exams. Then after that is to get grades not lower than 2.0 in both classes, otherwise, sipa ako sa graduate school. Wag naman po sana. Pag nasipa ako, nyaaaaah baka sa La Salle ako pumasok……….eh kasi……….mahal mag-aral sa La Salle. Hindi ko carry ang maglabas ng ganung pera para sa tuition fee lang. Yun na lang. *whistles*

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