I noticed that I really suck at reporting in class. I can attribute it to lack of real practice. Really, I used to deliver better than my stuttery performance/s recently. Sure, I did not study much in college but speeches, reports and focus group discussions every week somehow honed my talking in class. That was then. In the past three years, where my only avenue is during staff meetings where I rarely speak at length anyway (2-3 minutes uninterrupted tops), it should be forgivable that I would look like an idiot doing an academic report in a conference room with only 12 people.
In part, maybe I sucked because the reports weren’t that polished in my head. I had notes in index cards, I had guides, but it’s simply not in me.
Or I simply suck. Because in college, halos hindi ko kina-career ang pagrereport…it’s just that constant activities of the same sort made me immune to talking in front of people. I remember getting an A in a speech kahit may beke ako. Astig di ba. Harharhar.
However, this time, it’s very common to end my sentences with a hanging, “…there.” or “…yun.” Those were really stupid moments. I’ve long accepted that my classmates are in a different level, when it comes to intellectual discourse at least, but making a fool of myself in front of them really validates it.
I manage to do better in my papers, if we base it on my first few papers and consolidated handouts. Looking at my overall capacity, between talking and writing, I do better in the latter. It may still be below par than most people’s but in my own personal standard, just let me write rather than speak.
My upcoming term and seminar papers would be judges if the above is true. Maybe lack of preparation would screw me up, too. See, one paper is due on the 15th but I haven’t had anything clearly outlined yet. I could have made one or looked for potential sources before making this entry but I busied myself learning about Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer, Kérastase Masquintense, Matrix Opti.Smooth resistant formula, and Clarins one-step exfoliating cleanser (and if I can afford to buy all of them in the coming weeks— what is the world coming to??? I’m concerned about things like these!!!!!!).
I will survive this. I’ll have my Master’s Degree in…two and a half years, give or take.