I keep and update a planner. I even create a separate calendar where I can plot my tasks for the month. However, I rarely end up following what’s in there. Rarely. It’s a sickness.
For the past three years, my life revolved around work, reading time, a little social life and lazy ass activities at home. Since I am such a loser with ‘prioritizing’, I end up achieving temporary highs from them, leaving me an empty shell in the overall.
With yet another attempt to organize my seemingly direction-less life, I decided to take deliberate attempts so I don’t have to wish for 48-hour days. It’s like God is telling me to change my life strategy because the 24 hours that He gives me everyday is sufficient.
However, it’s not gonna be easy. I will need to lessen my sleeping hours by a bit so I can do more. I will need to learn to insert other tasks once the current one goes on a brief break (as opposed to multi-tasking because, for instance, it’s not good to do my office work while flipping through The Global Transformations Reader, right?). I will need to put in the backseat, though gradually but not necessarily entirely, other activities of unrelated interest (ahem, Friends, DVD marathons :)). I will have to totally eradicate lazybone moments to make way for actually doing something (including staring in blank spaces as a breather).
In all my prayers to God, I always acknowledge that He has blessed me so much and that I feel guilty not maximizing all of that. I always pray to God for passion in what I do, but I’m not really doing my part well. I envy people who are so into whatever they do, mundane or otherwise, like my friend Eiselle. It’s something contagious if the other party is receptive and willing, and I am not so much like that.
I’ve changed blogs many times and this has been my perpetual dilemma in most of my entries. Nothing really gets done.
I hope to get on with this change in strategy successfully. Sometimes, I plan to not think of it as something that I must do, but something that I want to do.
To sum up my life…
I have scattered priorities but no real focus.
Most of the important things that I do are because I have to, not because I want to. Working is a perfect example.
I throw in my huge net in the sea of life but because of having no real sense of what I want to do, my net ends up with sea garbage, a few little sea creatures, some useful seaweeds, but no big fishes to symbolize real success.
In simpler and actual terms, here’s what I plan to do starting tomorrow: Work on hours designated. Read academic materials (if in college, it’s chapter by chapter per session, now, it’s book by book per session, excluding those for individual book reviews) during lunch breaks and after office hours. As necessary, type papers needed for the 2 classes. Read some more. Review and understand what I read. Extend my bedtime to 2 a.m. from 11 p.m., as necessary. Diligently take note of things I don’t understand, be it from the books or the discussion itself. Research extensively. Socials should be on Friday nights only, and sometimes on Saturdays but only for a few hours. Errands on Sundays should only be to pray in Church (I don’t attend mass, why, let’s discuss that later in life) and go with Mom to our regular bonding time, but if it permits, read or study while there anyway (as part of it usually is having our caffeine fix for the week).
Hayyyy, my life is a mess because I made it that way.
That is why this text (just NOW) of my friend, Joy, really hit the nail right on the head:
Lord, when I lose hope because my plans have come to nothing, help me to remember that your love is always greater than my disappointments and your plans for my life is always better than my dreams.
I leave my life to God because He knows in what situations I will grow best.