after the fact

I want to thank all the people who sent me reactions over the last post. Of course, I know what all of you were saying. I never thought even for once that I am alone. I’m just emotionally broken but I know that my life goes on. It is and it will be. Nevertheless, a big, tight hug to all of you.

It still does not entirely make sense until now, because, without giving out the real deal, the true test of my tolerance for hurt will still be on the next 4 weeks. Now, the battle knife is just aimed, it has not stabbed my heart, who’s in critical condition anyway.

I can afford to be a bigtime melodramatic ass and I’m telling you, the crown will not bequeathed be soon. But at this rate, and my pride has a lot to do with it, I’m blogging because I don’t want others to see me as pitiful and vulnerable because…I just don’t want to. Haha.

Impulsively, I withdrew a chunk of my savings, subscribed to a magazine I’ve been eyeing long ago, watched chicken little (sooo funny) and intend to watch more, joined the skit of our big department to be shown on the 9th, will splurge on books later, will try to meet my friends I’ve not seen for so long. But I will still be hurt, I know. I am not doing these activities to erase the pain, but only to soften the blow.

Once and for all, let me clarify, and I swear to God that this is the truth, I do not grieve because I am not the one, but because I still feel love for someone who will not be mine anyway (but stays around and promised to do so forever).

Lastly, yes, I already realized this but it doesn’t really matter much: I, 47 days shy of being 24 years old, will still meet and greet a lot of people. I’m still young. I know that na ‘no. Some people just like to rub it in all the time.

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