ang nakakalokang kuwento ni mamang taxi driver

(warning: paglalahad lang, walang kinukumpirmang katotohanan)

i know many of you have heard of the urban legends and other creepy stories about marcos and his minions. i have nothing personal against marcos and his family, by the way. i wasn’t even aware when he was leader of the country. it’s just that some stories that came about with regard to his utter greatness and forthcoming vindication, like those of elvis and hitler, are too absurd to be true. and this taxi driver’s tale is one version of those stories.

the driver was middle-aged and he spoke good english.  seeing our month’s worth of groceries, he started his story with, “by november, don’t worry, the exchange rate will be 1 (dollar) is to 20 (pesos).” (aba, hokey yun.) he then said, “magkakagulo in the next two months”, then he went on with this “young man”, who is about to become the next leader of the philippines. “bata” daw ni marcos.

habang nakataas ang kanang kilay, i asked, “how young is he?”

“thirty to thirty-six.”

“has he been around? do we know him?”

“yes, you’ve seen him, but you don’t know him.”

oooookay. in english tlaga yang usapan na yan ha.

(i already have an idea of where this story might lead.)

he further added, basta magkakagulo kasi nga dun sa takeover nitong si “young man”, it will be bloody and the ultimate goal is to “wipe out all politicians.” ohhh…..siyempre sumakay na lang ako. “nakakatakot naman po kung ganoon, baka gawing shield ng mga politicians na ito ang mga ordinary citizens tulad namin dahil obviously they can’t just give it all up.”

“exactly, iha.” uyyy, kakampi na nya ako.

ang projection daw ng takeover na ito ni “young man” ay two months lang to execute the grand plan, pero anything can happen. pwedeng longer than that, probably years pa.

anyway, i never had the chance to question him further, i don’t even look him in the eye, mahirap na ha. i don’t believe in kulam, hipnotismo, mga nuno sa punso and the like, pero mahirap na makipagsapalaran. sa totoo lang, kamukha nya si rafael alunan III, kaya kahit papano napapatingin ako. naks.

sensing that it’s his cue to talk, he went on with the ff:

1. by november, 1 is to 20 na ang palitan ng dollar to peso, by feb next year, 1 is to 1 na at by january 2007, isa na lang daw ang currency ng mundo. anak ng pating, astig di ba?!

2. the US and 127 other countries (so napaisip tuloy ako kung gaano kadami ba talaga ang mga countries sa mundo…) owe marcos a great deal of money na nag-mature na daw noong january kaya payback time na. kung kelan nila inutang at kung saan kinuha ni marcos ang pampautang, aba, hindi ko na tinanong.

3. babagsak ang amerika. okay, what’s new. nasa UP pa lang ako eh ito na ang mga hope against hope ng ibang kakilala ko. sa kalakaran in the next year or two, -79 ang magiging halaga ng US dollar. “ganito na lang, bumili ka ng isang item worth $150, pero ibayad mo, one peso and fifty cents, may sukli ka pa.” well, di ko naman nasabi sa kanya na, “pasensya na ho, mahina po ako sa math.”

4. dahil ayaw bayaran ng US ang utang nila kay marcos, they had four of marcos’ doctors killed, replaced by CIA doctors na filipinos din. they injected him with something kaya daw sya nagkaroon ng lupus, sakit of unknown origin and unknown cure. mairesearch nga ito. hmmm.

5. since they can’t bring marcos down just like that, nag-plan b sila. (eto, hawak na kayo sa upuan) nung na-political asylum sa boston ang aquino family (yes, ang pamilya ng paborito kong si kris at ng crush ko since kahapon na si noynoy, buwahahaha), it’s not because ninoy has a heart problem, but because he has cancer and is to die na rin naman. the US asked him, “so papayag ka na lang ng ganyan, mamamatay ka ng hindi mo man lang napapabagsak si marcos?” (o di ba, nag-tagalog siguro tlaga sila!) well, you basically know what happened to ninoy, at yun daw eh orchestrated ni ninoy at ng american government.

6. recently, may meeting sa manila hotel ang mga chinese businessmen. andun daw si GMA, nag-speech. dumating din si “young man” kung saan, to make the long story short, naging conduit si lucio tan para makapag-usap sina “young man” at GMA. btw, he said na “maliit na tao” lang daw ito si “young man” so nagtataka ako kung bakit hindi na lang sila nag-usap ni GMA, tutal, malamang, magkikita sila ng mata sa mata (old flavier joke, i know). pagkatapos daw ng event na yun, dumiretso si GMA na-i-withdraw lahat ng pera nya sa landbank sa makati, si mike naman sa HSBC, lahat papunta sa bangko sa US. kung ano ang napag-usapan nila, hindi sinabi nung driver. please note that while this story is being told, nakatingin lang ako sa bintana ng taxi, kunwari ay nagmumuni-muni sa sinasabi nya. magaling ako dyan.

7. sa 6 years na nakaupo si fidel ramos, nagkaroon sya ng 2 malls sa south africa at sa isa pang bansa, isang port sa mexico, dalawang cargo ships (amelia 1 daw at amelia 2—di ba, ang discreet? di man lang ba pinangalanang rosemary 1 at rosemary 2?), at kung anu-ano pang mga pag-aari at swiss bank accounts. sabi, he’s one of the richest man sa mundo, sa liga ng mga magnanakaw. huwaaat? at si joe de venecia, yoda himself, no offense, ay ang nagmamay-ari ng oil cartel sa pilipinas. well, kung sinabi nyang si JDV ang may-ari ng gumagawa ng M&M’s, thus the inspiration of the M&M mascots, baka napangiti pa ako.

well, yung sinabi nyang si ramos ang mukhang nagcocontrol ng nangyayari ngayon sa laro ng politika ni GMA eh medyo hindi absurd yon, di ba?

pero going back to the “grand plan” nitong si “short young man”, isa lang ang naisip ko. HE IS TOO MUCH A NICOLAE CARPATHIA OF THE LEFT BEHIND SERIES. hindi ba???

ayokong i-judge na sobrang disillusioned yung driver although sa akin eh iyon tlaga ang una kong naramdaman. ang lakas ng trip nya no?

pero katulad ng maraming pagkakataon, i did not argue with him. i never did, pagdating sa mga political ideologies. sila may hawak ng steering wheel ano? tama ng makinig ka ng makinig dahil for all you know, sa hirap ng byahe, ang isang pasaherong “willing to listen” lang ang kailangan nila, hindi isang kadebate.

ang nasabi ko na lang sa kanya, “i hope we will be able to see the day na maayos na nga ang pilipinas.” sagot nya sa akin, “may awa ang Panginoon, iha.”

at lahat ng yan ay naganap lamang sa biyaheng equivalent sa 85 pesos na patak ng taxi meter. sana lang hindi na ulit ako makasakay sa kanya bandang november dahil hindi ko alam kung ano magiging reaction ko.

One thought on “ang nakakalokang kuwento ni mamang taxi driver

  1. Pingback: boredom, ilusyon o something to think about? « -Taking the path of least resistance-

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