MIXED FEELINGS

I’m quite distraught because one of my paternal uncles was rushed to the hospital due to gout. We’ve been through a lot, we’ve all been through emotional strain but all of it are slowly being healed, if possible nga, kalimutan na lang lahat. Besides, tumatanda na silang magkakapatid…buti nga si Daddy medyo nakalimutan na ‘yung rift nila before. Anyway, it was sad lang dahil kaka-Pasko pa lang, he could spend the turn of the year sa hospital bed. I was touched too pag umiiyak sya either because of pain or when he makes kwento about how my Dad calls him and, knowing my Dad, di nauubusan ng stories yun, so ang sayasaya nya. Andun din yung ibang relatives namin na meron talagang misunderstanding between us pero, yun nga, nagbatian din naman, kahit hindi thoroughly nakapag-usap. It’s sad to think na pag mga ganung instances lang nagkakaron ng chance to be together, tapos awkward moments pa. I hope everything will be okay soon. Hindi man perfect as there’s no perfect life, pero yung worry-free lang.

On the other hand, I’m happy because I already have my Starbucks planner!!! Yipee!! I invited my Mom for coffee lang para isang sticker na lang ang kulang ko tomorrow. Ewan ko ba bakit naisip ko kumuha na ng 3 para makuha ko na yung planner. Yipee, almost heaven ang feeling, ang astig nung planner!! Parang ayoko sulatan, wahahaha!!! Basta it will reflect the kikay, disorganized and weird sides of me.

Medyo guilty din kasi on the steps of Starbucks in Manila Pavilion merong mag-ina na naka-upo doon. Kawawa. Guilt-trip talaga, isipin mo naghihirap silang ganun samantalang ako, bumili ng kape worth P350 para lang makakuha ng planner! Even if I tell myself na yung pinambili ko naman nun e pinagtrabahuhan ko, nakakaguilty pa rin talaga pag nakakakita ka ng ganoon. Tsk.

May feeling din na nasa limbo kasi may pasok na naman bukas. I should really be thankful at hello, wala akong karapatang magreklamo dahil maganda ang trabaho ko. Pero hindi ako excited pumasok bukas. Hindi ko alam kung anong motivation pa ang kailangan ko. I gave up on my hunch na baka kelangan ko magka-boyfriend para mainspire. (Hehe.) Walang connection ang boyfriend sa pagiging interesado sa trabaho. Ewan ko rin ha pero I gave up on the theory two weeks ago. Siguro lalo lang akong nawalan ng gana dahil sa glitch nung promotion. Tss.

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