Shoestring Adventures (A Teaser)

I am off to a different continent with one of my bestfriends in a few days. To say that I have prepared for this well won’t be true. I may write about the trip upon our return, and I’m sure highlights will be in my Instagram stories, but at this point  I’m practically not ready in many aspects. The only thing good to go is myself; as in the body and the willingness to explore.  Maybe for now that would suffice.

I may feel that it’s really happening when I’m almost there. One of the first phrases I need to learn and will probably use particularly when dining is “No onions, please” but in Spanish. I’ll then take it from there.

An Effective StopGap

I had time today to sit down and attempt stringing words together but came up with this new short one instead of finishing at least five entries that are 80% complete.

I want to write for myself again. I was the best reader I had and that worked years back and affecting people was only incidental. It was still the best kind, imho.

Since I cannot completely do it because I’m still minding something (kalandian-related ano pa ba), I realized something: looking back gives me an odd form of a stopgap to distract me from my emotional mess.

img_7028I realized even in my Twitter threads that I drive back to how I was in love with someone a decade ago. It was catastrophic at best but maybe, I have been subconsciously referring to it to tell myself that see, that’s one of the most painful I’ve experienced, and also the closest brush to a very beautiful (albeit mean and harsh) kind of feelings, and I got through it. So this one, compared to that, this one was pfft; not even in the same league because there was nothing and let us mention the fact that it’s not proper, shall we?

So yeah, use the previous emotional calamity to prove that I do get over these things. Some took time, some took one giant ‘get out of my life’ boulder dropped in my head (which was deserved mga 40% because I was mean and bitchy and immature), some went away naturally. Different methods but they all arrived at the same kind of closure. I just have to find the best one that would work now.

At the moment I feel it’s really reliving that phase that works. Long periods of silence and weekends trigger me greatly but now I know better than wallow. Sometimes it is healthy looking back to get that big push to move forward. I’m getting there. A little more patience, self.

I ride it out, I write it out.

I am still at it.

Each time I feel that writing about it, writing to him, is not doing it anymore, I hunker down and write some more.

I have thousands of words about the things I feel. They are cramped in pages of narrative, as if I’m talking to him even though I know I am not brave in sending them his way.

The power of my words acts like a regulator — I can write the most demeaning things to condition myself that nothing could hurt me more than this. It’s like a nasty form of relapse. Instead of sweating, shaking, rocking myself back and forth, I write the saddest, neediest, most hurtful lines. Three pages or 1200 words later, whichever comes first, I find myself feeling better.

And it’s with the least amount of gore. No lives bothered from far away. No emotions stirred other than mine.

It’s bound to hurt again and when it does, I pick up myself and start typing again.

I will do it until it no longer hurts, until it does not make sense to wallow anymore. But until that day comes, I will keep pouring out my emotions because at this rate, that’s all that I can do.

Days

There are days when all is good and steady, that despite the inconvenience and substitutions, you make do with what you have, and days end better than it started; it does not hurt as much, it does not make you feel you lost a lot of time and opportunities; it’s good.

Then there are days when it just hits you how come you are still here, why is there that lump in your throat from the things you want to say but can’t, want to express and let someone feel but there’s that void, days when you sit down, stare, and stay put, and you just let the tears flow in the dead of the night, knowing fully well the same things will still be the same when the sun rises, if not worse.

Life is a daily battle of choosing which armor to use to get you through the day. Some days it’s the easier choice to flow without effort, and some days it is cathartic to snap. I’ve been most times the latter and before the words of wisdom and advice come, please know that I know all of that. I do. And thank you. No battle is ever the same.

Quirk

I once told someone I enjoy my red pasta with black coffee and, yes, I know it’s weird. “No, it’s not weird,” he said. “It’s very weird.”

I also like my truffle fries with latte. I am set in my ways to do away with little preferences like this so I pray to find someone who will embrace me and my quirks. 💖 I have more, and they are part of what makes me interesting.

Now this sounds like an informal ad. Takers?

Back in the Day

Of all the drafts I prepared, written and otherwise, I am publishing this one out of an inspiration from my friend Ida’s tweet earlier today.

She was right when she said more people are going back to blogging on a more personal approach nowadays. I remember the times when I wrote anything and everything and the concept of oversharing was the very core of blogging. I did not evolve into becoming a blogger whom lots of people read and followed, but that kind of sharing eventually lost steam with me anyway. I blogged profusely and more coherently a decade ago when the people I wanted to get my thoughts to were actually reading them. I tried to keep it alive but I don’t know, if it was maturity or a change in platform preference, or whatever but it did die.

The good thing about it is it can always be revived.

The practice was indeed therapeutic. I wrote because I wanted to. I think I was the best audience I had. Writing saved me many times. It’s not always online! And oh, the man I recently had feelings for bore the brunt of that inclination to write, and write, and write. “Holy shit, that took a long time to read,” he once said. And to think I was not even on a roll in that slew of Viber messages. Amateur. 😉

And taking off from that, yes, I am nursing a broken heart. When people comment on how much weight I lost and ask me what I did, my default joke of a reply is, “I’m falling apart.” But of course it is belittling genuine breakdowns, including mine if you think about it. So no, it’s not ENTIRELY because of that, but I’ve been watching what I eat because of a recent Biggest Loser contest in the office (where I did not win) and because I’m borderline hypertensive already. The best part about losing a few pounds is having old clothes fit again, and not having to buy new ones or wear the same ones over and over. But on the downside, and this is coming from someone who has been overweight all her life, is that I lost my ass. My chest, too. Which made me think, was it all side and back fats all along? Me no like! The part about the butt pissed me a bit. Maybe that’s a good reason to go back to the gym and do butt-firming workouts. I really detest how flat it looks now. Wow, this paragraph is mostly about my ass.

Right now, aside from firming up my now-flat ass, I try to keep myself busy. Healthy distraction is key. I am not ready (and never will be, I guess) to completely tell once again what happened (as my journal is already witness to my most recent non-love story, pages bleeding from feelings), but suffice to say, making myself occupied will work in my favor. Why? Because idleness leads to reliving moments and could have beens, and frankly, I confessed to one of my bestfriends I am at that stage where I wanted to turn back time so I can do better, in hopes that the outcome would be different. She told me I was stupid, of course.

Anyway, I guess this is enough ‘welcome post for the nth time’ for me. Brace yourselves (or not), the emotional oversharer is at it again.

How have you been?

In the Most Unlikely of Places

I wrote this two weeks ago. The vacation’s over but the sentiments remain.

img_1923I am in the middle of an island vacation as I write this. I made a firm realization that I feel my most confident self when I am at the beach. This is a body image issue which I have struggled with for years; and really, throwback photos have a way of telling you how much you allowed to let yourself go. But instead of feeling ashamed that my arms are thick, my tummy protrudes more prominently than my size 36 breasts, and my belly overflows (as in umaahon, if you may relate to the struggle) from my bikini, I have not felt happier and more secure than when I’m in my swimsuit, sprawled in the sand getting a tan. I figured it must not be entirely the beach; perhaps it is the power emanating from stripping myself and letting my skin show — not in a perverted manner, but the feeling of displaying this is all I have, and this is enough; I am enough.

Beyond the body positive thoughts, I am lucky to be timely reminded that I can be very hard on myself. Last year was a challenging year for me which made me start touching base with my complacency and worth. It has been hard, you know? But where it’s a concern to be attended to and fixed, simple as that, I find myself agonizing over it and why it happened to me and all the self-pity thoughts which do not really help me at all.

People change and are afforded opportunities to do so every single day. I believe I have long earned that opportunity but sometimes I still feel I cannot catch a break. Maybe I have not really fully caught one yet…and it is okay. Someone once told me some people surprisingly have it easier and some are meant to fall in line, sometimes for a longer period that you cannot even see the end of it. It’s a reality of life but it does come with plenty of perks, too. Even while waiting in line.

A few weekends ago a friend messaged me to let me know how she admires how self-assured and confident I am. I can only remember a group conversation days prior where we talked about hopes for this year and what we were thankful for last year. At any rate, I needed that message and it came at the right time. My heart was so full.

I wrote on the first page of my 2018 planner that I am not afraid anymore. I believe it’s fear that really holds me back. Of coming to terms with things I lost and can never get back, of thinking if I move my feet I will be left with nothing and it is not an option as a responsible adult, of not leaving my comfort zone because nothing and no one wanted me anyway. If I let go of that fear, the worst thing than can happen to me is nothing I have not experienced yet. The cycle of fear has long overstayed and it’s time to break out of it already.

Right now I am still on vacation which greatly helps me steady myself and regain my balance. This is going to be short and definitely sweet but when I go back home, I will start looking more seriously at what’s out there. Better things are there outside of my comfort zone, perhaps in the most unlikely places. Until I start looking, I’ll never know.

10:45 p.m.
21 January 2018
Hilton Hawaiian Village

Life is short, go to Hawaii!

I just came back from an amazing Honolulu trip! I was there for seven full days. I planned it six weeks before my departure date which left me with a few expensive options but overall it was worth it. Besides, any travel I make in January will always be worth the damage to the pocket. For this one I even left on the afternoon of my birthday and arrived in Honolulu mid-morning, still on my birthday!

For this post I want to share my travel tips and activities should you wish to visit Honolulu (which you definitely must, it’s so amazing!)

Getting there: Going to Hawaii, sigh, isn’t cheap. If you are for comfort and duration, Philippine Airlines offers the shortest flight to Honolulu and back. It takes less than 10 hours going there and less than 11 hours going back, and more importantly, it’s a straight flight. I left in January which is still the tailend of the peak season so the lowest I got it for was still around $1,200, travel tax included. Ang mahal nya, actually, pero well, birthday trip!

From the airport to your hotel/hostel/Airbnb: Shuttle services, if you do not have a host or you did not avail your hotel’s pickup option, are very much available as soon as you step out of the airport. So far, I noticed there’s SpeediShuttle and Roberts Hawaii Express Shuttle. I took Roberts Hawaii Express Shuttle going to my rented condo unit. These shuttle services accept card payments only so make sure you have your debit or credit cards handy. I paid $16 for the 30-minute trip. I learned from the shuttle driver (a beautiful half-Filipina, half-Hawaiian named Danielle!) that Roberts Hawaii also owns the building I stayed at, so it’s a convenient dropoff.

Going to the airport for my departure, I availed SpeediShuttle’s service. I booked a reservation the night before I left. It costs $15.48 which is also charged to your card. When you choose a pickup time, consider the time of your flight and expect that there will be other pickups other than you which could extend your travel time to the airport. For this trip though, the driver took the backroads and in 20 minutes, I was dropped off at the PAL checkin gate. So kanya-kanyang diskarte din ang mga drivers but it’s always safe to allow more time.

Of course if you are with a group and you can comfortably fit inside a car, you can take a taxi or an Uber. They also have Lyft, too. The bus is also an option.

Accommodations: I booked a lovely studio apartment through Airbnb. It won’t be visible in the listing but you will discover that many of the Waikiki units, whether studio apartments, rooms, or couches, are within the Hawaiian Monarch Hotel. It’s a property that was converted into half-condo units, half-hotel and many condo owners rented theirs out. My host lives in the same unit — we share one main door, and there are two keycard-activated doors after; one is her residence and one is the studio space she rents out.

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Look at this cute and cozy place! The wooden design and fixtures provided a unique and homey touch. It has no kitchen but there’s a microwave, a mini-ref, and lots of dining utensils. The bathroom is also very clean and has clean towels and bathroom products for you to use. The host also has beach bags and beach towels in the closet. Super homey! And don’t get me started on the view. That right there by the window is not a painting!

My favorite part of this unit is the view. I can never get enough of it. It is directly facing Ala Wai Canal and being on the 35th floor, it gets an amazing view of Manoa. I was also treated to plenty of rainbow sightings (which I was told are quite often in the island) because of its location.

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View from the room at daytime. I don’t get scared of heights but this one made me a bit woozy.

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View at nighttime. Very therapeutic.

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The first morning I woke up early enough. That’s not a canvas, that’s a real view!

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The building was at the corner of Niu and Ala Wai so when you go down the street, this is easily what you can snap. Ah, the memories of it just by typing this.

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One more rainbow view after it rained. Love.

Let me know if you want to get this same accommodation and I’ll point you to this listing. 🙂 The host is very easy to talk to and very accommodating.

I walked around a lot while there and checked the location of the hotels and apartments and their distance from the beach. While I really liked Hawaiian Monarch’s location (from there you can walk to the convention center, Ross (ahem), Target (ahem ulit), a bit far but still doable – Nordstrom Rack and TJ Maxx (yaaay) and the huge Ala Moana Center!), it is at the far end of the beach kung walking ang pag-uusapan. I spent 15-20 minutes walking just to go back. I could have taken the bus, sure, but overall, malayo siya if you speak of the beach. I enjoyed walking a lot though.

If your priority is to be near the beach front, consider the ones along the shore — from the Kahanamoku beachfront of Hilton Hawaiian Village to the end of the Waikiki Wall (a long beachfront stretch which would take you 30 minutes by foot; I tried it!). The parallel streets adjacent to Kalakaua and Kuhio Avenues are great locations and perhaps a bit less expensive than the 5-star ones. What’s better is it’s also near the main strip where they have all the shops and food places.

Going aroundTheBus! It is their main commuter transport service which is efficient, if I may say. You can buy passes for unlimited rides for different durations or just pay $2.75 per way — the bus does not give change so always bring an exact amount. This is where I disposed of all my coins!

Before you start your day, think of your activities and check if they will require bus rides. If you need more than 2 bus rides, whether short or long ones, consider buying a day pass para sulit, kesa $2.75 ng $2.75. I did that when I when I went to Diamond Head and to the Pearl Harbor Visitor Center; both entailed two rather long round trips and still left me with a pass to ride a bus to and from my errands for the day.

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There also bikes for rent but I didn’t bother checking it out. They are operated by Biki so if you are into biking, you can check out their rates, locations, and covered routes.img_1162

I also took an Uber twice and it’s efficient. Mahal lang rate nila, or maybe because I’m thinking in Philippine pesos; my ride ranged from $7 to $9 for two very short distances. But then again, birthday trip!

I spent majority of my time walking. Google Maps proved to be a very helpful friend. I downloaded an offline map of Honolulu so it was easier for me to navigate. Even with the bus routes, it’s very informative; of course if you access its offline version it will not give you the real-time schedule of the buses arriving, but you’ll still be fine.

Other notes: I did not stay long enough but the place was pretty safe for me. The sidewalks are wide and pedestrian-friendly. Their pedestrian crossings are plenty and accessible. Depending on the time of the year, it can get chilly at night so if you are sensitive to the breeze (aka lamigin like me), better to bring anything to cover you up when you walk. I brought tank tops and sleeveless sundresses which were suitable during the day but when nighttime came, I felt chilly. It probably contributed to my feeling ill on my 3rd day of vacation.

Hawaii is 18 hours behind the Philippines. Expect your body clock to act up after a few days, unless you’re the kind who adjust easily (lucky you!).

Unless you have mapped food places to get your meals from, it helps to go to Target or Food Pantry to buy groceries to save. Stock up and just refill your water, buy fruits, bread and spreads, juices, and other daily nourishment essentials.

I stayed mostly in Waikiki so people from different countries and persuasions abound. It’s very exciting to see. Connect and talk to them when you can! The residents there are very friendly, too. At least the ones I encountered; I was lucky there’s no untoward incident at all. And hey, it’s Hawaii, so expect a lot of Pinoys!

I’ll be sharing my experiences about the spots I went to in the next posts. For now in case it’s not getting across as I intended, I fell in love with Hawaii! I am definitely going back. You should, too. I promise, it’s worth it.

Brake to Break

I came from one full week of vacation leave from work and it was a good one. Someone even commented at work earlier that I look rested. Partida pa yan, I look like a strawberry 🍓 after my skin tags electrocautery. LOL!

I forgot about this week-long leave if not for our amazing admin who reminded me that there was an approved form signed back in September. Sure, I had errands planned and my dad’s death anniversary fell on the same period, but I even thought of going back to the office for a day or two because “I had no plans”. Well, turns out, “no plan” is a good plan. I had time to simply rest, stare at the ceiling, and think about anything. I didn’t even sleep longer; if anything, I was confident staying up so late, but I guess it’s the overall feeling of not going to your routine when the sun rises that made the difference.

I once opened up to my supervisor about what I feel sometimes, and it didn’t take long for us to reconcile that it’s a classic sign of burnout. In order not to go to that dark place, or have your energies completely sucked out of you, it’s always best to step back and rest. Sure, one week of break with daily errands won’t be enough, but pulling back is a good way to recharge.

I am back to my regular work routine and will be amongst the taong-bahay this month. I think I’m all set. I cannot wait for this year to be over. To me it has been a mash up of worst and best events in my life but I’ll save the histrionics and lengthy introspection for my yearend post.<<
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Go, Grow, Glow

I applied for a higher position at work and I didn’t get it. To say I was more relieved than disappointed won’t be a lie.

The interview was something that felt like a staff meeting. I knew it then that nah, I’m not going to get it. I didn’t prepare for it as I initially intended – the night before was the showing of Justice League, and you know how I hyped myself up for that movie, hehe – but I think I did okay. Not “Hire her!” worthy but I did fine. There was one question where the moment I said my response, I kind of rewired and thought, “Crap, wrong answer.” But I let it slide. What’s done is done.

The timing of the opening was not good for me also. This year I made judgment errors and am still working my way to re-learn and reform, and basically grounding myself again. It’s years of complacency and burnout that merited out of character actions. It was over and done, and I believe things happen for a reason so let us leave it at that.

I was more touched by the reactions of people who thought I was going to get it. I’m sure they were equally happy for the one who did get it — I am, and no offense to other competent colleagues who vied for the position, I believe the management chose the best one among the roster of candidates. Her experience and macro familiarity of the section will help her well. And I also told her that this time, she will have strong people below her who will be allies. That surely counts for something.

The reactions were probably brought by the impression that I was kinda a shoo-in; but see, I wasn’t. More importantly, and this is something people close to me have recognized early on — was it something that I really wanted? Well, the money, sure. That even was my first reason for applying, who are we kidding. Anyway, I feel I don’t have a natural knack for operations – I even said it before:

Operational changes are also in full swing at work and even though I still struggle to get them all in my (literally) big head, it’s exciting to be a part of something like it. Operations management is not my strong suit; I’ve always been the correspondence and social media person, so getting out of this small comfort zone is exhilarating if you’re called in to participate at the right moment.

The night before the interview one of my bestfriends commented that the slightest hint that I was not really into it will definitely show in any form during the interview. So his reminder was, just make sure I really wanted it. I guess I didn’t.

Maybe I thought I can do it because was banking on job familiarity and the people (I’ve said time and again, people pull me through). Then again, if not really equipped, baka doon ako magkalat. That is more embarrassing.

Speaking of people, this only means I will be staying at a place where I believe I really belong anyway. I forgot if I articulated it the same way in the interview, but I always describe our team integration as something that wasn’t easy in the beginning, but it has evolved into something very interesting. Little successes made acceptance faster and now I am seeing the promise and — if I may use the term — awesomeness of what we are doing and will do in the future. It’s still shaky in some areas but overall, really, creating something amazing from scratch — who would not want to be a part of that?

Right now, all is good and peachy. I hope! I am stable enough and I am happy about it. Bloom where you are planted, as the saying goes. Been doing little steps to bloom again.

Lastly, I got this message (after a video call) which was sent during my interview.

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Teehee, ano, labaaan? Okay na muna ‘to! Kebs na kung di umangat, matagal na akong napromote. Ito na lang, hahaha!

Attempt

I have been sitting here with initially an intent to update my CV for a work vacancy, then going from one site to another led to hours of not doing what I was supposed to accomplish. Hahaha, hashtag my life.

The ideas, mundane and otherwise (let us bank on mundane for the most part), are still plentiful in my head. I thought getting a new laptop will make me do it more, but really, there is no price for enthusiasm and drive.

One day. One day.

Loyally Yours

It may sound crazy but I feel I am cheating on someone who does not even like me, who does not even know I have feelings for him (I think), when I entertain another person’s attention. This tendency to narrow my vision limits my options and may shut off better possibilities. Still, I cannot help it.

“The love that lasts is the one that is never returned,” said in one movie. It may be premature to label whatever I feel now as love because this feeling, it has been an ongoing thing and only the person involved changes — and not often, mind you. It spans years. Years of feelings that have been unrequited since, when was the last time I had an official boyfriend — 2004? Yes, that long. And if my math is accurate, there were seven men who were unfortunately subjected to my love (or whatever it was); some were documented here, some happened when I lost the drive to write daily. Poor men.

Anyway, the last unrequited saga ended in June. Being the hopelessly romantic that I am, days later I woke up thinking of someone and seeing him in the office corridor felt like a thousand butterflies woke up and danced in my stomach. Ding-dong, the crazy lady with all her feelings barreling toward a new guy is at it again. I’ve not looked back since.

I long stopped putting meaning and explanations to whatever action (or the lack of it) I receive from any man I fancy at a given moment. Men do not go very deep; I mean in terms of reading their feelings and reactions. As said in another movie, “If a guy treats you like he does not give a shit, he really does not give a shit.” I do not buy that men are shy, prefer it low-key (ergo if you’re loudly announcing it, they won’t like it, pssshhh), or intimidated (oh, this last one is the most bullshit of all, I’m telling you). If they like you, they will go for it. If they don’t, it’s only because they are not interested. Maybe not now, maybe not ever. And that’s what we have to live with. And we have turned down attention and affection from others so it’s somehow an even playing field.

Right now, in between going crazy over Wonder Woman and the Justice League (a woman’s gotta have other diversions!) and adulting, I’m living day by day with the enjoyment of this new subject of affection even if I can barely get a peep out of him. Some days the eye-candy and the presence are enough, some days I crave for longer, more personal conversations which may not come. But lucky him, and whoever the next one if this one passes without any success, because I’m definitely not going to look and consider other men while I’m at it. You can call it loyalty, I call it laziness. Either way, it’s still unrequited. Darn these men.

Still Distracted

I was home earlier than usual and a tiny part of me was hopeful I could finally publish a post or two in my drafts folder. The coherent ones, you know? But after business-related communications (naks, see, my little online bookshop is making traction plus some Cooperative training opportunities), my fingers found themselves typing Netflix.

My watch list has a lot of unfinished episodes because my attention span has always been really short when presented with plenty of options. I finished the 4th episode of Broadchurch though. It’s been on my list for a time and only managed to start it when the Jodie Whitaker news hit. Right now as I type the half of my screen is playing the pilot episode of The 100. Heard a lot of great stuff about it beyond the book. My motivation to finally start? Been seeing The 100 Funko pops! Hahaha!

I need to be in bed in 45 minutes so let’s see what other “crazy” shenanigans I go into. Grabe, this life. Pero happy naman ako. Hahaha! How are you today?

Steady

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It’s been a long time since I felt this kind of steady, this kind of calm. I cannot fully say I’m over whatever demons I got because that’s an entire encyclopedia of conversation to dabble in, so I’m enjoying each day as it comes.

The desire to go is still there and I think it’s never gonna go away. Maybe it was sidetracked a bit because of people. My kind of introversion sometimes finds solace from being pulled in by people. And finding someone to potentially victimize, errrr, fall in love with must have contributed. Whatever it is, I’m not daring to poke the fragile balloon. Not when I’m kinda enjoying life again.

No Reading No Care

No Reading No Care.

Except not completely.

It’s a new high for my reading slump this year. The other difference is that I do not feel as bothered by it. I thought developing an affinity for comic books and graphic novels will offset the lack of novels in my reading progress, but turns out 2017 is just not a reading year for me. And it’s okay.

Of course this desire will never ever go away. As in other pursuits, this feeling taught me that it’s okay to go with what I feel like doing and not stick to what I’ve been accustomed to. What it gives is an opportunity for me to miss the activity and something for me to look forward to doing in the future.

But the itch to buy is another matter. These tweets were in the last 48 hours. I have not sold a lot in my online store yet I’ve been getting more than what I have let go. Which is not new to you, if you’ve been following me long enough.

I can channel my overall indifference into plunging into reading but real life hardly agrees. Thus my wish, which I believe have always been mine, since I became an adult:

 

Picasso Once More

My mother requested for a city staycation because we lost our power supply last Thursday night and we were told it won’t be fixed soon. As soon as we left for the hotel, my uncle messaged us that the electricity was restored. Ang galing di ba? This kind of sudden gastusan makes me wanna pull my hair out of my head, but I realized, nanay ko naman ito, that I will also be enjoying it, and hello, I  can shell out more for toys and collectibles (my new crack — but that’s for another entry), so why not just enjoy this stay?

My go-to booking app for hotels has been Agoda since 2015. So far, I got good rates and no hidden charges upon checkout. For this weekend, I chose to stay in Picasso Boutique Serviced Residences. First stayed there in 2011 and went back again late last year. It’s the cheapest option considering the location — smack dab in Salcedo Village, a few steps away from Salcedo Market if you opt to stay on a weekend, and walking distance to great restaurants and convenience stores.

FullSizeRender 2 I also like their gym! It occupies two floors, loft-style. They have the basic gym equipment, almost identical than the ones we have in the office gym. I went twice and I was almost alone both times so it worked well (pa-unsocial kunyari) for me. Iba din pala ang feeling when you have a not-so high view of the Makati BCD landscape. A breather from trees and waves of the Manila Bay breakwater, hehe.

We got the very same room we stayed at last time so it feels familiar. Hehehe. The first two stays I was with R, this time with my mom, and with the comfort this hotel gave me, pwede bang next time, jowa naman? Hahaha!

If I don’t let my kuripot side guilt-trip me over small luxuries like this, I can get used to this. It’s like getting a massage or a good mani-pedi We did not go far but seeing that we’re in something different can do good to the body and soul (whaaaat). I will do this again soon.

Say It

Someone shared this tweet of a fictional character over Twitter. So timely.

No matter how loud, how “confident”, how put-together someone appears to be, you must not forget that asking someone out still requires a certain amount of courage. It’s a form of putting one’s head on the chopping block. Remember Anna Scott’s question to Will Thacker?

The thing with a yes or no question is that it could go either way only. So when you find yourself saying no, sometimes in the form of not saying anything, still be kind. And still be there. Do not go away. You might change your mind. Even if you don’t, when the dust settles (aka when the question/invite/expectation stops), you may even get a laugh out of it. Life’s like that.

If you find yourself receiving yet another no, sometimes in the form of not saying anything, understand and accept, and still be kind. Still be there, but not in an insistent kind of way. Do not go away; there is nothing wrong in asking. You might change your mind and find yourself not wanting to ask anymore. When the dust settles, you may even get a laugh out of it. Life’s like that.

One day, you will muster the courage to ask again and you will get that elusive yes.

Same Page

I no longer like the guy I pined for in the last two-and-a-half years. I checked and waited if it will change for about a week when I first felt the “meh.” Now it’s not just confirmed. It’s confeeeeeermed. And it’s a wonderful thing. My prayers were answered. I can say that our feelings for each other are now mutual. We are now on the same page. 😂